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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26224030">i wanna be held (fragile like glass)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofarsoperfect/pseuds/sofarsoperfect'>sofarsoperfect</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Far Cry New Dawn, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Anal Sex, Descriptions of Gunfire and Gunfire Aftermath, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Qian Kun, Kissing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Depictions of Blood and Injuries, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:22:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26224030</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofarsoperfect/pseuds/sofarsoperfect</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jaehyun look at someone like that before. His heart aches for them. They’ve not known each other very long but Jaehyun holds his hand and Ten leans in close, a soft smile on his face. God, they look like they’ve known each other forever, would do anything for each other. </p><p>In this world, you take your chances where they’re given and Johnny can’t very well blame them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>112</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i wanna be held (fragile like glass)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is definitely not a normal ship for me and i struggled so much but i was really dedicated and i think i came out the other side with something approaching decent so i hope you like it anyway.</p><p>*important note! i don't think my au is clear enough that you have to know the game far cry new dawn to really get the gist of what's happening but i will say it helps and also it's a great game so watch a playthrough or s/t i think it's worth your time. </p><p>**tw //</p><p>- minor depictions of blood and injuries<br/>- descriptions of gunfire and gunfire aftermath<br/>- minor character death<br/>- discussions of death within the narrative</p><p>***mildly beta'd</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the HighwayMen pull out, burning rubber on the main road, taking off as fast as their 18 wheeler and jeeps allow them all that’s left in the wake of the growl of their machines is silence. At least it feels like silence. There is sound, there’s the groan of men, the sound of feet running on the grass, the dirt, across gravel. Johnny watches a few men trail out to the entrance of the camp and nail a few pot shots to the back of them but it’s useless. Ultimately there is nothing but the ringing in his ears at the end of three hours of gunfire upon his camp and his people. </p><p>“Johnny!” Someone shouts and Johnny turns around, suddenly aware of everything that’s happening around him again. </p><p>“Help me,” Doyoung says, standing next to a man from the camp. Johnny grew up with him, he’s only a few years older than himself and he lies in a pool of his own blood. Johnny knows his name and his parents and his wife and their small child. He had a life and a family but Johnny and Doyoung have to slide their arms under his legs and back and heave him up carefully, carrying him back to the funeral pyre. He’ll be joined by at least two others that Johnny saw fall and whatever bodies of HighwayMen linger outside their camp. </p><p>They’re not friends, practically enemies in this lifetime, but not even they are evil enough to let a man go without a funeral, no matter what he did in life. </p><p>It’s only after the dead have been lined up at the back of the camp that they open the bunker, release the children, elderly and disabled while Taeyong walks around, grabbing Johnny, Doyoung, and Kun to meet back at the main house. They’re down two people but Johnny saw Mark briefly at the door of the bunker and Taeil is in the infirmary tent. The rest of them look worse for wear and Doyoung fusses over the graze Kun’s got as they walk up, even though Kun keeps trying to get him away from it. </p><p>The meeting is just a formality. Johnny doesn’t think he retains much at all from it other than the volume at which Kun and Taeyong talk to each other, Kun throwing his hands around as he tries to prove his point. Taeyong attempts to speak over him and it might be one of the only times Johnny has ever heard Taeyong raise his voice, cutting through the ringing in his ears. </p><p>“This is a waste of time,” Doyoung eventually says, stopping the two of them from continuing their shouting match. “Kun is bleeding and the camp looks like hell. Can we have this fight after we put this fucking place back together?! We have five men at the funeral pyre and god knows how many from the HighwayMen will be joining them,” he continues, throwing an arm towards the wall in the direction of the pyre. “This is useless when we could all be down there helping the camp put itself back together.” </p><p>“Doie’s right,” Johnny mumbles and he thinks it might be the only thing he’s said since the gunfire stopped. “Let’s do this tomorrow, after funeral rights. We have too much to accomplish now. The sun’s getting high and it’s gonna be near impossible to accomplish anything if we let the sun go down on us. We should get back out there,” Johnny says and Taeyong breathes heavily before nodding. </p><p>“You should get that checked out first,” Taeyong says, nodding to the wound Kun is sporting. It’s crusted over with dried blood now but it’s dripped all down the outside of his arm, flaking off the inside of his wrist. </p><p>“I’ll head to the nurse,” Kun brushes off. “John’s right, they need help and I’m not important enough to go to the infirmary. They have their hands full with Yuta and Jaehyun anyway.” Johnny’s stomach clenches, just thinking about Jaehyun. “Let’s get out there.” </p><p>The camp is riddled with bullet holes, it might be the worst they’ve ever left it. Johnny spends a decent amount of time helping Jungwoo and Doyoung put houses back together. It’s going to be a while yet before all of them are decent enough to live in, some people are going to be sharing homes for the time being but they have more than enough chicken wire that they can use for temporary structural integrity. The ones that are in best condition are the ones in the back or with spare sheet metal as walls. Johnny holds a wall of plywood up for Jungwoo to screw back into place. </p><p>The camp is going to need at least a month to get back to where it was before this attack, but they all doubt they’re gonna have enough time for that. While Doyoung walked Kun down to the nurse Taeyong and Johnny traded a few words about it. Those fuckers didn’t spare a single expense to try and take Neo down today and chances are they have more where that came from. Taeyong suggested two weeks at best but even that’s an optimistic approach. Johnny’s just going to try and keep his head up and hope for the best even if Yixing is going to be giving them his worst. </p><p>When you have the whole camp working together you can do wonders. The elders spend their time entertaining the smaller ones while the disabled take to the easy clean up. Johnny is thankful all their youngest men are still in good condition, only one of them took it a hit and Jeno’s still up and around. He hated this past spring, teaching all of them how to hold and shoot a gun, especially when Renjun and Jeno took to it like fish to water. He never feels good about a new generation having to take up arms but it’s necessary in this climate. </p><p>Sun falls on them faster than expected but it’s not bad, the camp will make it through the evening. Everyone starts putting things down, families have dinners to make, kids to feed and Johnny walks through the main drag of the camp, grass still stained with blood and temporary shields pelted with bullet indentations where they’ve been moved back to the sides of their buildings. The air is rich with the smell of cooking meats and vegetables, wood fires and when he looks around, there are still late summer fireflies zipping through the air. Life moves on, no matter what. </p><p>The infirmary is still bustling, but it’s with the addition of some of the mothers and grandmothers wandering around to feed the injured. Many of their men are in good condition but Johnny is looking for his friends. He needs to make sure they’re okay. </p><p>Johnny isn’t even surprised to see Yuta trying to limp his way out of the infirmary. He’s actually trying to get past Wendy, which is a mistake in and of itself, arguing with her while his pants are ripped down the entire length of his left leg, his thigh wrapped thickly in bandages. He’s got all his weight balanced on his right leg but he’s still trying to get past her as if he’s actually going to do so. </p><p>“He givin’ you problems?” Johnny asks, coming up to them. Yuta rolls his eyes while Wendy gives Johnny an exasperated look. Johnny walks around Wendy and puts his hands on Yuta’s shoulders, sitting him back down in his cot. Yuta stumbles and lands on it, Johnny glaring at his friend. </p><p>“It’s just a scratch,” Yuta says. But Johnny knows better than that. And Yuta should as well considering Johnny was the one who dragged his ass out of the fray and behind one of their shields, pressing cotton rags to the blood gushing out the outside of his thigh from the bullet that ripped right through it. If the idiot who shot him had a little bit better aim there was no way Johnny would’ve been able to save him but Johnny chooses not to think about that. There’s no reason when Yuta took a very survivable injury and is sitting right in front of him, glaring at him because he won’t let him leave the tent. </p><p>“There’s a bullet somewhere that says otherwise. Stop bitching,” Johnny tells him but there’s a soft smile on his face as he says it. He’s just glad his friend is well enough to put up a fight to try and get out, he’d really know something was wrong if he wasn’t. Yuta gives up quickly after that and Johnny leaves his side after getting a promise that he’s not going to try and leave again. </p><p>He makes his way further into the tent, towards the critical care area. It’s sectioned off by a curtain and he hates it way back here. It just makes his stomach tumble in the worst way possible, knowing there’s someone he loves back here but he pushes his way into the area after a deep breath, only to stop short, taking a stuttering step back when he notices what he’s looking at. </p><p>“Hey, Johnny,” Jaehyun says, turning away from Ten. Ten turns further in, looking away from both Jaehyun and Johnny. He’s still got a hand on the bed, the other resting high on Jaehyun’s arm, clutching his bicep. Johnny feels a little out of place, like he shouldn’t be there at all but he really didn’t think he’d have to knock before entering back here. </p><p>“Hey,” Johnny says shortly, trying not to make it more awkward than it already feels. “How you feeling?” He asks, shifting his weight to cross his arms over his chest. Jaehyun shrugs a shoulder, trying to push himself further into a sitting position. Ten holds tighter to his arm when Jaehyun groans and Johnny crosses the room to help him, a hand under his friend’s back. </p><p>Jaehyun’s still shirtless, his jeans are soaked with blood down to the thigh and there are bandages wrapped around his lower abdomen. He took a shot to the gut out there and if it wasn’t for Sicheng, Jaehyun might not have made it with how much he was bleeding. Between Sicheng and Jungwoo they managed to carry Jaehyun out of the fray and the gunfire died down not long later. Johnny would never forget looking over to see his best friend laying out on the grass, soaking white cotton rags red while Sicheng and Jungwoo struggled to get him up on a cot and out of the gunfire. </p><p>“Hurts,” Jaehyun mumbles as an answer and Johnny snorts. No surprise there. It must be excruciating but Jaehyun is nothing if not a trooper, downplaying everything that’s happened to him. He’s got a scar that runs across the entirety of his collarbones from hand-to-hand with a rouge HighwayMen when he was only seventeen. His mom cried that he could’ve died but he insisted it was just a scratch the whole time. Ten’s got Jaehyun’s arm in a vice grip though, eyes wide with worry as he and Johnny adjust a pillow behind his back. </p><p>“Well, yeah, that happens when you get shot in the stomach,” Johnny says and Jaehyun offers him a crooked if pained smile. “Sicheng come in to see you yet?” He asks as he steps back. Jaehyun is sitting up now and he leans back into the pillows, attempting a deep breath. </p><p>“He was with me while they stitched me up. If it wasn’t for him I’d probably be dead right about now so you can only imagine the kind of blubbering I did while I was bleeding all over the place,” he jokes, lifting his free hand to rub the back of his neck. Ten moves his hand to Jaehyun’s forearm and Jaehyun doesn’t stop looking at Johnny as he adjusts to take Ten’s hand in his. Johnny doesn’t comment, doesn’t think it’s his place, especially right now. </p><p>“Oh, I bet you were inconsolable,” he tries for a joke and Jaehyun’s dimples come out. “Hey, stay on bed rest for a while, alright?” Jaehyun opens his mouth but Johnny reaches out, resting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You said it yourself, you almost died out there. Take the time to get better, alright?” His eyes fall and Johnny looks across to Ten. “Ten,” he says and Ten’s head moves to look at Johnny, the first time Johnny’s acknowledged his existence in the room this whole time, “keep on an eye on him for me, would ya? I don’t want this guy fucking himself up any further.” </p><p>“Trust me, I got you there,” Ten replies but his eyes slide back over to Jaehyun and Jaehyun’s meet his, so big and open and fond. Johnny doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jaehyun look at someone like that before. His heart aches for them. They’ve not known each other very long but Jaehyun holds his hand and Ten leans in close, a soft smile on his face. God, they look like they’ve known each other forever, would do anything for each other. </p><p>In this world, you take your chances where they’re given and Johnny can’t very well blame them. </p><p>He doesn’t linger, leaves the two of them together. He can only imagine the kinds of things they might need to talk about and there isn’t much else in the infirmary that needs his attention. He checks in on the others that are wounded but there are very few. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are both nursing wounds from a wall collapse during the fight and Jeno’s getting double checked for his graze again but that’s really the extent of it. Johnny leaves the tent to head back to the main house for the night. </p><p>He edges around the main room when he gets there, finding Kun sitting on the table while Doyoung stands by his side. It seems Doyoung has finally gotten Kun to take his injury seriously, murmuring softly as he cleans it with alcohol wipes, Kun hissing softly as he does. It’s a lot more intimate than it might seem, the way Kun is looking at him, letting Doyoung take care of him even though Doyoung is just short of scolding him. Johnny can see where he’s not invited so he makes his presence unknown, walking around to get to the stairs, climbing them shortly to get up to his room. </p><p>It’s well back in the corner, windows facing the main road, the best vantage point in the house. He’s usually one of the first to know anything, jumped out of bed when he heard tires crunch on gravel, ran out with his gun in hand when the first shot rang out. No one was expecting it, they usually can but they were unlucky today. </p><p>He lets himself into his room to find Mark at the desk. He’s got one side of the headphones pressed to his ear, bent over the desk and curled into himself as he fiddles with the dials on the radio. A little bit of static and garbled voices escape the headphones and Johnny stops short in his own doorway, looking at Mark’s profile against the dark of his bedroom. </p><p>The lights from outside mean the room is mostly orange bathed shadows, Mark’s features cut out in the middle of the dark. Johnny pulls the door shut behind him, wanders closer as he looks at him. He’s not even looking, all of his focus on the radio in front of him. Johnny doesn’t think he’s going to get anything, they’ll have to listen to the channels tomorrow but Mark is nothing if not a dedicated soldier. He’s one of the most loyal people Johnny knows and even though he’s probably still got dirt and gunpowder on his hands, gritty from helping outside and his hair is holding from where he’s pushed it off of his forehead with grease alone, he’s still sitting in the dark of Johnny’s bedroom, listening to radio channels so they don’t miss a second of valuable information. </p><p>“Mark,” Johnny says and Mark drops the headphones. They pull free from the box radio as he turns to look at Johnny and static fills the room abruptly. It’s loud and interspersed with talking, none of it salvagable information. He looks back at the radio, hurriedly turns it off while Johnny gets in closer, reaches out, takes him by the arm and pulls him from the chair. The radio turns off, dousing the room in silence at the moment Johnny presses a kiss to Mark’s lips. </p><p>The adrenaline from the day is draining away, threatening exhaustion but Johnny is determined to kiss the life out of Mark. And Mark must feel the same, the way his arms wrap around Johnny’s neck, pushing himself to his toes, pushing the chair out of the way with a foot. Johnny pulls him back, stumbling the two of them back towards the bed while they taste each other, desperation and fear and longing meeting dirt and gunpowder. They’re both gross, sweaty and covered in dust and dirt from their long day out on the grounds but it’s inconsequential as Johnny turns them around and lays Mark out on his bed. </p><p>“Where were you?” Johnny mutters into his mouth, hands slipping up under Mark’s shirt. It’s not comfortable, the way he’s straddling Mark’s thighs. Their sheaths and their holsters, walkies and gadgets pressing into each other awkwardly but they’re not thinking about that right now. Mark’s also got his hands moving, from Johnny’s neck over his shoulders to his arms, squeezing reverently at his biceps. </p><p>“The bunker,” he breathes and Johnny’s eyes to cut to his in the dark. “They needed a good gun, you would’ve done the same thing if they asked.” </p><p>It’s true. If he had hit the ground as quickly as Mark had, jumping from his home, bypassing the stairs entirely with his gun in hand and immediately helping herd the kids and the elders and the disabled into the bunker while every other able bodied person was able to grab a gun and help, he would’ve. But it doesn’t make Johnny feel better, knowing that Mark spent three hours doing one of the most dangerous jobs during an attack, defending their most precious resource. Their people. </p><p>People have died on bunker duty. The HighwayMen want things they can carry or to just cause chaos, they don’t usually take people but if they’re feeling especially spiteful they’ll aim down the bunker and take out whoever is there just because they can. Just because it’s the most scary thing on the planet, watching one of your most important things in the world, your future, open and vulnerable. Mark’s a great shot, always has been, good at hand-to-hand too but a hailstorm of bullets is faster than a single man and his trigger and Johnny knows this. </p><p>“You could’ve died,” Johnny whispers in the all consuming silence of his bedroom, letting his hands slide back down over Mark’s torso and out from under his shirt. He wants to take it off but this is more important. He has to know that Mark is here, is talking to him. It’s been a hard day, long and terrifying and dangerous, and he just wants to know one of the most important things in his world is right here with him. </p><p>“You almost have,” Mark points out. His hand comes back up Johnny’s right arm and finds the place under his jaw where a scar cuts along where his head meets his neck, under his ear to the middle of his neck. It’s ugly and twisted because the man who did it was doing it to scare people more than anything. Johnny still remembers the day it happened clearly, the way a rouge group of bandits stormed their camp and took whoever they could hostage. It wasn’t even the HighwayMen, which made it even more confusing, scary, not knowing what they wanted. </p><p>Mark and Donghyuck, at only seventeen and sixteen, shot them down while they had Johnny, Seulgi and Jungwoo on their knees. All three of them have physical scars from that day but Johnny thinks Mark’s might just be the worst. </p><p>“I’m right here,” Johnny murmurs, getting in close to kiss Mark again. Mark kisses him back, a kiss that’s filled with longing but also desperation and Johnny doesn’t waste his time. </p><p>He pushes Mark’s shirt up his body and it’s the start of a chain reaction. Mark’s shirt, his shirt, Mark’s jeans, his jeans. All of their equipment crashes to the floor but they don’t pay it any mind. Have no reason to, here in the privacy of Johnny’s bedroom they fear nothing. They don’t have to be on the defensive, not right now, not tonight, as the dust settles and Johnny sucks bruises into the pale line of Mark’s throat, hands touching, squeezing, caressing the lean muscles of Mark’s body until he gets between Mark’s legs. </p><p>Mark’s underwear falls off the edge of the bed and Johnny’s sliding his fingers inside of him in moments. Condoms are rare, lube even more so so Vaseline is the only thing they have to rely on. It’s slippery and greasy and quite the mess to clean up but the petroleum jelly is better than anything else. Besides, the slide is all that matters as Johnny eases into him, Mark’s mouth falling open, little aborted whines leaving his lips as Johnny curls his fingers as he opens him up. </p><p>They have to use far more than if they had lube on hand but they make it work, Johnny nudging his cock inside of him slowly. Mark’s fingers dig into his shoulders as he pushes into him until his hips are flush to Mark’s ass and Mark’s back is arched up off the bed. Johnny slides his arms underneath him, lifts him up and like this Johnny can push in so deep, Mark’s legs wrapped around his hips while he buries his face in Johnny’s neck. </p><p>This is not fucking. Despite the way Mark sounds, and it’s loud, it’s unabashed the way Mark can’t stop moaning, whining, fingers dragging down the length of Johnny’s back. This is not fucking, the way Johnny cradles him in his arms and they feel their way through his experience, Johnny’s mouth lingering on Mark’s shoulders and collarbones and neck, bruising and kissing and sucking. This is not fucking even though they have. This isn’t their first foray into each other’s bodies but Johnny isn’t trying to fuck Mark tonight. </p><p>Johnny is making love to Mark, whether he’d admit to it out loud or not. It’s in the way Mark rocks so subtly on Johnny’s cock, his cock rubbing up against Johnny’s stomach, very little friction but his cock dribbles precum anyway. It’s in the way Johnny’s arms are wrapped around him but his hands are on Mark’s ass, helping him rock down while Johnny thrusts up and they build a rhythm together. It’s in the way Mark is in Johnny’s lap and Johnny’s legs might be going numb given the kneeling position he’d in but he couldn’t care less because this is the only place in the world he wants to be right now. </p><p>“Johnny,” Mark breathes into his neck, mouthing his way over the left side of Johnny’s neck and shoulder and Johnny moans softly. </p><p>“Yeah, baby.” </p><p>“Come inside me,” Mark says and Johnny groans, tipping his head back. Mark takes the invitation to kiss as it’s given, leaving open mouthed, wet kisses up the entire length of Johnny’s throat and only when Mark’s resumed his position sucking a dark hickey at the base that Johnny tips his head back down. </p><p>Johnny lays him back out, slides into him and thrusts hard. Mark chokes on his moan when he does and Johnny takes Mark’s hands in his, pins them above his head as he fucks up into him. Mark’s got the most incredible moan when Johnny fucks him, Johnny is certain of this, sharp little sounds of pleasure as Johnny pushes into him, interrupted by long, drawn out groans when he’s ball deep and grinds into him, rubbing himself against Mark’s walls. He sounds so perfect and lovely and Johnny opens his mouth and bites down where his shoulder meets his neck when he comes inside of Mark.</p><p>Johnny stays inside of him, soothes the bite mark he’s left imprinted in Mark’s skin with his tongue while he lowers a hand to jerk Mark off. He’s still got Mark stretched open around his cock and Mark gasps a warning when he comes. It’s all over his stomach, spilling pretty pearly white across his stomach and Johnny can feel his cock twitch, still throbbing as he comes down inside of Mark. </p><p>Cleaning up is an ordeal, mostly because Mark is a dead weight in his bed once he’s come. Johnny does the best he can accomplish, tending to be a bit cum dumb himself and they’re still dirty from the rest of their day but it’s enough. It’s undeniably enough when he manages to get the two of them between the sheets, tugging Mark into his arms so he can press a kiss to Mark’s forehead. </p><p>“I love you,” Mark whispers into the dark and Johnny kisses his forehead again, tightening his arms around Mark’s shoulders while Mark hugs him around the waist. “I’m scared about tomorrow. I’m scared about next week and the week after and every week after that, but I love you. You know that, right?”</p><p>“I know that, Markie. I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect">twt</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect">cc</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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